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The 12 Reviews of Christmas: No4 Those Giant Spinny Swing Rides

December 18, 2011

All these children are sad because RoT ruined Christmas with its last review.

Now, where was Reviews of Tings? Oh yes: Never are the collective peoples of the Western World under more pressure than at Christmas time TO GO TO THEIR CITY/TOWN/VLLAGE’S VERSION OF A WINTER WONDERLAND MINI THEME PARK. Good. Back on track. Now, these little fairgrounds are not without risk: just because they have some extra fairy lights doesn’t mean that they aren’t still run by the questionable members of society who bring them to your playing fields/village green/car park throughout the rest of the year. You know the sort- they’re all about 14 with caps and shellsuits and no discernible adult supervision. Undoubtedly, not all of these rides are safe to go on: best to avoid any roller coasters, or those troughs you stand in that whoosh you up in the air. But ferris wheels should be okay as should, at a push, waltzers. But these rides are boring/vomit inducing. What you need is the much neglected hero of any funfair, the giant spinny swing rides (this is its official name). You know the one- it’s in the picture dummy! These rides have all the brilliance of normal swings AND normal roundabouts, but without the crapness of an out-of-shape dad huffing and puffing as he fails to muster the energy to satisfy his child. Stupid dad.

Verdict: Ace fairground rides = the spirit of Christmas. And THAT is an equation that will echo through the ages.


Update: They’re called Chair Swings, apparently. Whatever.

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