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The 12 Reviews of Christmas: No3 The Pressure of the Festive Spirit

December 17, 2011

To save us all from Satan's power when we were gone astray.

Never are the collective peoples of the Western World under more pressure than at Christmas time. In every way the strain of fulfilling an ever-growing checklist of festive traditions and expectations rests heavy on us all. And perhaps the greatest, hardest to achieve feat amongst these is the demand to be jolly. Never mind that you’re spending the week before Christmas desperately waiting for that chap you pulled at the Christmas party, who you were so sure you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, to text – plaster on that smile, plonk Home Alone on the television, crack open the alcohol that you only drink at this time of year because it’s gross and get in the festive spirit. For the most part, humans achieve this [insert statistic about festive suicid rate]. And maybe it’s nice that for a couple of weeks a year it’s become customary to lock all woes in a giant cupboard and just be happy for a while. RoT hates to pack a truth punch, but at any other time of the year your therapist would drop her pen and scream ‘YOU ARE IN DENIAL’ at banshee pitch. Because you know what? Everything isn’t okay. You don’t have enough money. Your mother-in-law genuinely does loathe you. That guy from the party? It’s NEVER going to happen. And in January, when you’ve had the last turkey sandwich and cleared up the last of the tinsel, everything will just seem twenty times worse. Merry Christmas.

Verdict: gosh, this was a cheery little rant wasn’t it? And to think, this began life as a review of those giant spinny swing rides at funfairs.

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