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Rice Milk & Passion Flower

September 27, 2011

Don't wash with this, you'll get a rash.

Obviously RoT doesn’t need shower gel. When it does wash, which is infrequently, it just uses some rainwater that collects in a bin bag in the yard. But now, for reasons wildly beyond its control, RoT has a girl in its flat. She likes to brush her hair and sleep with clothes on and, in the morning, before she goes to work, she washes her body with gel flavoured with Rice Milk and Passion Flower. Now, maybe RoT is stupid, but neither of these things sound particularly real. Not to say that RoT isn’t aware of Horchata, or that weird rice milk that lactose intolerants force themselves to consume, but the phrase ‘rice milk’ seems to just conjure images of that rank, grey, cloudy water you get when rinsing rice pre-boiling. It’s gross – why would anyone want to wash themselves in that. And yes, there may be over 500 species of Passiflora that burst into blooms of intricate, otherworldly beauty – but to just call them Passion Flower is lazy. When RoT says ‘Passion Flower’ you say ‘Big, brightly coloured petals and an intoxicating aroma, the type of which I long to rub into my naked body’? No, didn’t think so. When RoT says ‘Passion Flower’ you say ‘Council estate wannabe glamour model who changed her name in the hope of making it to Page 3, but we al know she’s never going to’.

Verdict: nice try, Imperial Leather, but RoT sees through your blandly named ‘flavours’.

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