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Rob Billington of The Great British Bake Off? His Dimples.

August 25, 2011

I remember the back streets of Naples. Two children, begging in rags.

In another life RoT likes to think it might be reviewing the reviewed, along with everybody else. And in that parallel universe, RoT would write review after review lashing praise upon the superb and cuddly Great British Bake Off. But this cannot be. That RoT and this RoT have a serious case of the Will and Lyras, and there’s no Subtle Knife around to sort this horrid mess out. So instead, RoT will look over the cakes; over Mel and Sue; over Mary ‘Tart au Citron’ Berry; and focus instead upon the one crowning, radiant, glorious feature of this series: Robert Billington’s dimples. Oh Rob. Oh Robby Rob Rob. You can’t bake for shit. You drop cakes on the floor; you burn pastry; you flavor things with Pernod – the one liquor bottle at the back of the cabinet that even Aunt Peg won’t touch. But you have curly, floppy hair. You wear lovely checked shirts. You have a scruffy almost-beard. You like to take photographs, and to play your guitar sitting on walls. You want to work in Paris. You have these sad eyes, that even crack the brittle shell Mary Berry hid her compassion in when she was a teenager, 130 years ago. And you have dimples, like huge craters of sex appeal cleaving into your perfect face. RoT has to watch each episode of GBBO twice- once to swoon over your dimples and again to follow the dynamic twists and turns of this bakey rollercoaster. Bobby Billington, RoT would like to pitch its tent in your dimples, and settle down there forever. It might even eat your burnt Pernod floor-cakes.

Verdict: looks like RoT’s got it bad. Things haven’t been this dangerous since the great Beautiful Tom debacle of 2008/9.

*****

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Lizzie Duong permalink
    August 25, 2011 11:31 pm

    Found your post through Google, and I’m really glad to see that someone is actually watching each episode twice (or more) like me, just to see that guy mess up :)).

  2. September 5, 2011 9:26 am

    omg…im soo totally obsessed with TGBBO and Rob!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Olivia permalink
    October 15, 2011 7:44 pm

    this is sooo so funny. thank you for increasing the amount there is when i googled this guys name. Just as pretty in real life, and your right about the baking skills (i’m working at this gallery, he was there on opening nightt..)

  4. November 14, 2011 3:43 pm

    I’ve already packed my blow up mattress and am preparing to worshipfully pitch my tent with you in Camp Dimple.

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