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The Primary Features of Rebekah Brooks

July 10, 2011

Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Führer.

Being, chiefly:
1. Her name.
2. Her hair.
Rebekah Brooks’ Name
Little is known about the early life of Rebekah Brooks, it seems. There are rumours of an education at the Sorbonne, but also rumours of a Fried Chicken van outside Hackney East bus depot. Either way, there’s an air of Carole Middleton here. At what point did Re-BEC-ca become Re-bek-AH? This has got Murdoch written all over it: he knows what it takes for a woman to succeed in business, just like Karren Brady any her mysterious, superfluous R.

Rebekah Brooks’ Hair
Originality it a dying art. So, in crafting her carefully cultivated, visually arresting image, Rebekah Brooks has taken inspiration from the past – her hair is one part Tess of the D’Urbervilles to two parts Victorian prostitute (cockney). RoT has carefully examined photograph after photograph of this woman and can’t find any evidence of non-ginger roots. Is Rebekah Brooks a natural redhead? Sadly, this knowledge is confined to Ross Kemp, select members of the Murdoch Empire and the majority of News International’s board of directors, past and present.

Verdict: for the rest of time, R-B-Rebekah-Brooks will be seen as a villain. RoT thinks it’s sad, because she had the potential to leave a legacy of a bizarrely spelt name, some major hair and an assault on a television hardman.


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