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The Big Mac Man

May 19, 2011

Brandine loved a man who wore a shirt-and-tie to Maccy-D's.

So let’s ignore the maniacally grinning woman. Let’s also ignore the worst haircut RoT has EVER seen. Let’s also ignore the strangely meta picture on the wall. The focus here should be on the life and times of Don Gorske, the Big Mac Man. He’s 57 and retired – quite the feat in today’s socio-economic climate. One would assume that, on a diet amassing 25,000 Big Macs, Don’s retirement would be related to ill health. But no! Don has a clean bill of health – he’s as sprightly as a man half his age! Physically, that is. Mentally, Don Gorske’s diagnosis and, indeed, prognosis, is grim.  In 1972, Don bought a new car. Congratulations, Don – such an investment is always worthy of celebration – with some fizzy wine, perhaps, or a trip to the all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet. But Don, maverick that he is, celebrated by purchasing 3 Big Macs. Quite why he assumed he’d enjoy a product he’d never before eaten so much that he’d want 2 more is beyond RoT. The risk paid off for Don though, and he went on to consume a further 6 BMs that very day. Clearly, this is not rational human behaviour. But consider this: Don keeps his Big Mac cartons and receipts. His house must STINK. And he has a wife – what about her sanity? RoT loves to be inspired by its review subjects, and in this instance feels compelled to write a sparse, Beckett-esque play about the Gorskes and their bizarre Big Mac-carton shanty home life.

Verdict: RoT is pleased that, in posting a review largely to prove that it read a newspaper, it has been driven to create theatrical greatness. Long may the special sauce tinted blood continue to flow through Don Gorske’s fat-clotted veins.

****

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