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Noir

May 9, 2011

l'ascenseur pour la chaffaud - RoT's been learning!

Everyone looks better in black and white. Fact, fact fans. Until DJ Scooter invented technicolour some time in the middle of the twentieth century, everyone was ugly: hence all movie-films were shot in black and white. Kings of the black and white films are those of the genre, ‘Film Noir’. Film noir was filmed entirely in black, then they painted the white bits in afterwards. This is the crime at the centre of every Film Noir film. The sexy-but-hang-on-a-minute-can-I-trust-her? lady turns up in some localised fog, which was common in the olden days. She asks a down and out detective to find where the colour ‘white’ has gone, but he’s drunk and has to hit some people first. Then there’s lots of suggestion and grey ambiguity. Then someone finds white, wonders why there weren’t any black people in this racist genre, then the film ends. RoT doesn’t understand. But everyone looks better in black and white, and RoT hates DJ Scooter for inventing technicolour and ruining its chances of capturing some morally ambiguous, bang-tidy sex bitch.

Verdict: Until RoT can drain the world of colour, Noir remains a dream. 7/10

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