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Anticipation: A Review in 15 Questions and 1 Answer

April 28, 2011

1. Who'll be the first to suffer a Goldschlagger-induced vomit?

2. Will Catharine’s bulimia have become so out of hand that she’s sick whilst walking up the aisle? 3. Will Catharine’s bulimia have become so out of hand that her dress will fall off of her skin-and-bones frame? 4. Will Catharine’s beautiful hair detract from above, should their answers be yes? 5. What, exactly, will Sarah Ferguson – cos you KNOW bitch ain’t taking that rejection lying down – do to try and get into Westminster Abbey? 6. Same question, to Tony Blair? 7. Will Catharine deliberatley follow in Lady Di’s footsteps and confuse the order of William’s names, just so people keep calling her ‘the next Diana’? 8. Will Elton John realise that this isn’t about him? 9. Will Camilla, murderer of Princess Diana, be so afraid following her recent student riot fracas that she’s surrounded by body-armoured heavies as she enters the Abbey? 10. Will there be a bomb – even a little one? 11. How many times will the media refer to ‘how proud Princess Diana would be’? 12. Just how soon after the ring’s on her finger will Catharine go crazy with power? 13. Filled with a desire to break tradition, will Mr and Mrs Wills perform the full routine to Single Ladies in lieu of the balcony kiss? 14. This is really all about the Queen – what will she wear? 15. What will RoT be doing during the Royal Wedding? ANSWER: Attempting to live review the entire circus on its Twitter, beginning whenever RoT decides to get out of bed.

Verdict: anticipation sure is exhausting. RoT best get to sleep, so it can be perkily awake in time for the balcony kiss the arrivals.

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